Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
