so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
