the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
