Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
