Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
