Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
