just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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