Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
