I got chris browned last night
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
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I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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