Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we made out on top of his cat.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
