shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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