If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
