when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
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To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
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To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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