I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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