absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My brain says no but my pants say off.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
