i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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