apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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