I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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