hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
