No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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