I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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