What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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