Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
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This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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