I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
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I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
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Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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