We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
