she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
