you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
