Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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