i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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