Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
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