I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize