Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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