Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
