WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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