I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
