his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Alive.
So much puke
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
