can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
