weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
