It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
