Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
