do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
