We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
