Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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