You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
