WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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