how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
