She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
