Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
