He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
