I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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