Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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