We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
