Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
