well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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