I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
