you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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