No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
