You really coming over, don't trick.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
