Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
